Jackie’s Bean There, Done That
Jackie’s Bean There, Done That
Jackie and her mum were poor. Really poor. For breakfast they ate cereal boxes and drank freshly squeezed air. Their clothes were so holey they were made into saints. Saint Shirty, Saint Shorty and Saint Undy. They were so poor they only had one computer! They used to have a spare Apple but Jackie ate it.
One day Jackie was squeezing milk from their cow when it kept kicking her in the shins.
“Stop it, you old cow,” said Jackie.
The cow got offended and wouldn’t give any more milk.
“We’ll have to get rid of it,” Mum said.
“Let’s eat it,” said Jackie.
“Noooo!” said the cow.
“We’ll sell it,” said Mum. “Take it to the market. Make sure you get top dollar.”
“Sure.” Jackie posted it on the online market E-Pay. A few minutes later she got a reply.
“You have won 10 million dollars in the Conartists Lottery!”
She hit delete.
She got another email. “I will swap your cow for five magic beans.”
Jackie thought this could be another scam but she wanted to get rid of the stupid cow anyway so she said okay. She sent the cow by Express Post and a few days later got the beans.
Her mum wasn’t happy. “They’re not even baked! I’m sending you to bed without any online games.” Mum threw the beans and they stuck to the computer screen.
The next day Jackie woke up early and turned on the computer. She noticed that the beans were gone. She typed “pop concert” into the search engine and immediately got sucked through the screen and landed in the front row of a big stadium. Putting on a show was the world famous pop singer Justin Thyme!
Justin flicked back his long fringe and said, “For the next song I need a volunteer. Would anyone like to come up on stage?”
Girls screamed so loud it hurt Jackie’s ears. She lifted her hands to cover them and Justin thought she was volunteering.
He pointed to Jackie.
“Me?” she asked.
“Yes, you,” he squeaked. “What’s your name?”
“Jackie.”
“Come and sing with me, Jackie.”
The crowd cheered.
Justin sang the first line “Fee fi fo fum,” and the crowd screamed because his voice was as sweet as a baby. Then Jackie sang her line, “I smell the blood of a Canadian,” and she was so good the crowd screamed even louder.
Justin didn’t like that.
By the end of the song the crowd was chanting for Jackie to do an encore.
Justin put his hands on his hips and screeched, “She’s not that good, people. That should be me.”
The crowd chanted Jackie’s name and started throwing gold jewellery on stage. Justin tried to grab it but Jackie was too fast. She scooped it all up and ran across the stage with Justin chasing her. At the end of the stage she dove off and crowdsurfed all the way home.
When Justin dove off the stage the crowd parted like the Red Sea. He hit the ground hard, breaking his nose and losing his good looks. He became a loser until his voice broke and he joined a punk band.
